Posted by: mrdmcday | April 16, 2010

Relationship Issue #3: Why Am I Still Thinking About Him?

The Rundown:

Okay, so my first ever sexual experience was a horrible drunken night, where we didn’t even go all the way because i got sick… story is, I liked the guy for a long time, I went to his house we had a party, and my friend and her bf went to bed and me and the guy I liked went downstairs… we fooled around and i got sick before it went too far (thank god).. needless to say the guy is a douche bag that was only going to use me for sex, and it took me forever to get over him… and I don’t even know if I am actually over him yet…

It happened 4 months ago … and I would go some time without seeing him, and then think im over him and then when I saw him again I realized I wasnt…. but now im thinking maybe I am over him, but for some twisted reason what I really want is him to want me? Does that make sense? Could that be my problem?

Also, I can’t even read a freaking romance book anymore without thinking about him! its sick! im fed up and i don’t want to keep torturing myself with his memory! And I’m pissed because he pretty much stole my first kiss, my first sexual experience…

What should I do? Or what do you think my problem is?

The Response:

Ok. Judging from the excerpt you’ve given and the last few sentences (“my first sexual experience”) it almost sounds like HE isn’t the problem at all. Perhaps it’s you.

Before we go about trying to cure you of this memory, think about this:

Are you upset with yourself because you gave him this? If so, have you forgiven yourself?

If not, this could be the reason why he keeps coming to mind-the fact that you still believe he’s…”one-upped” you (for lack of better words) because this was your first kiss and it wasn’t what you wanted it to be. Part of you is still wishing you could go back in time and correct it-heck, you may fantasize about it working out perfectly.

You wanted your first kiss to be special. It wasn’t. And that’s OK! Let it go. One reason he keeps resurfacing is because you haven’t let that night go-a night he’s directly connected to. Once you’re able to do that, you can slowly but surely lose this feeling.

One day, you may remember the night but that same feeling of agony will begin to fade. But this can only happen after you’ve faced your fears internally. Stop running and do so. Or else, this ghost will continue to be on your heels for the rest of your life.

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